I'm Sick of Saying Sorry
by Vandalia LaRue
Summary: This "songfic" was written in the tune of "Far From Home" by Hinder.
1. Chapter 1

_**Friday, October 13th, 2017**_

_**Mystic Falls, Virginia**_

"Has anyone ever told you just how beautiful you truly are, miss?" He had a voice like an angel, thought twenty year old Tallutah Moore. But this man, he was no angel. He was a devil in disguise.

"My name's Tallutah... I didn't quite catch yours?" Her voice was high pitched, perfect for a young lady's. She reminded him of a girl he'd once romanticized with years ago, Caroline Forbes. But miss Caroline had left a long while ago, after the werewolf incident that nearly killed Damon himself and he even left Mystic Falls for a time, only coming back around six months ago.

"Damon Salvatore. Pleased to meet you, Tallutah." His voice was flirtatious, Tallutah couldn't complain, he was a very...almost beautiful, man, this Damon Salvatore was. She took his hand and lightly shook it, feeling a cold chill run up her spine and her heart skip a couple beats. Being the vampire that he was, Damon heard how flustered he made the young blonde, arrogantly smirking more or less to himself.

Tallutah had lived in Mystic Falls her entire life, but hadn't been one to witness any of the supernatural and paranormal activities that went on in the city just eight years ago, in two thousand nine all the way through late two thousand and ten. But she had heard the stories and they honestly intrigued her.

"I've heard stories, about Salvatore's here in Mystic Falls, are you related?" The blonde asked and Damon couldn't help but chuckle,

"Depends, what kind of stories have you heard about us Salvatore's?" He raised a brow and continued to smirk that arrogant Damon-smirk of his. Tallutah couldn't help but blush because of it, he was so drop dead handsome with it.

"Just something a friend of mine said once, at least five years ago. Said something about the Salvatore's being...vampires?" Tallutah offered, knowing it sounded absolutely ridiculous but...she herself was a firm believer in the paranormal. Though she'd never actually had hard proof to back up her beliefs, she would have fought anyone tooth and nail for them.

"Oh come on now, not that nonsense again," Damon chuckled softly and placed his hand upon Tallutah's once more at the table there at the Mystic Grill. "I was sure all of that would die down while I was away, then again, you did say five years ago." The male licked slowly over his lips, Tallutah found herself giggling as well.

"I know, I know. It's absolutely silly. But I've believed in it my entire life, not that your family is vampires... just that, the old stories are true you know? I mean, how could things like that be...made up?" Tallutah said softly, trying to explain her absurd beliefs. But Damon had heard enough to determine, she wasn't going to be afraid if he told her.

"Come on, take a walk with me." Damon said, the smirk still clear on his face as he laid money down on the table for his and her drinks both, heading for the door and out into the sunlight to expose himself, to the beautiful, young, but not at all naive Tallutah.

**Mystic Falls City Park, by the lake.**

"What kind of old stories have you heard, Tallutah?" It was the first question out of Damon's mouth as they approached the still, crystal blue lake in the middle of Mystic Falls City Park. It was in the center of town almost and on warm, sunny autumn days like this, it was pure perfection to not only Tallutah but to Damon as well. Sometimes, being able to go out into the sun with the ring Damon had, made being a vampire worth it.

"Well, I heard stories growing up, my parents moved here themselves when they were very young so they heard the stories growing up as well. But when I started attending the community college two falls ago, I've graduated now... the history teacher there, well, I thought she was an old crack pot but honestly, she was so very brilliant when it came to the past of Mystic Falls. I started looking into the things she was teaching and...so much of it makes sense. She was so adamant that the animal attacks were vampires, and...that's when I heard it again. That, you and your brother Stefan..." Tallutah's voice started to trail off.

"So what if my brother, Stefan, and I were, vampires?" Damon asked as he came to a stop there, next to a park bench right by the lake, slowly taking a seat and looking to the place next to him, Tallutah immediately sitting down as well.

"Obviously you're not.. you're here, in the daylight, Damon. Everyone knows vampires can't come out in the sun... sleep in coffins, hate garlic..." Tallutah laughed a little and Damon couldn't help but chuckle...every girl was such a fool to how vampires were in the movies.

"Rule number one, don't believe anything you hear in the movies. We don't sleep in coffins, nor do we hate garlic. We do hate one thing... but I'm afraid I'm going to have to keep that classified information from you, I'm sure you understand," Damon smirked and Tallutah raised a brow a bit, a grin on her face as well.

"You pretend to be a vampire often don't you? I guess I'm not the only one who daydreams what it would be like to stay beautiful forever. Sorry, I probably sound like an even more vain and self-centered Marilyn Monroe." Tallutah laughed rather heartily and Damon couldn't help but laugh as well, taking Tallutah's hand and lacing fingers with her.

"It's not a pretend world, Tallutah. Mystic Falls... it is home to the supernatural and not just us vampires." Damon squeezed her hand gently and Tallutah felt a churn in her stomach...she started to chew upon her bottom lip.

"Y-You're not joking, are you Damon?" Tallutah asked, her heartbeat starting to get rather erratic. Damon gently brought her hand up to his lips and kissed the back of it, smiling a more convincing smile, rather than a menacing smirk.

"You can calm down. If I wanted to kill you, you'd already be dead. To be fairly honest with you, Tallutah, I'm rather smitten. It's a secret world we live in... but you... I could tell you were different the minute you walked in the doors of the Grill this afternoon. I'll let you into this world, as long as you promise two things." Damon's voice was that of an angels again... Stefan would probably say he was compelling this girl, but Damon wasn't... For once, he wanted a girl to genuinely not be afraid of what he was.

"Promise...promise you what, Damon?" Tallutah asked, her voice lightly quivering, she couldn't help it however.

"Promise to not be afraid of me... and promise not to tell a soul." Damon lent in closer, tilting her head to him by placing his finger upon her chin. Slowly Tallutah nodded and he lent further in, pressing his lips against hers for only a moment or two...giving her a light, gentle first kiss. Pulling away, he took both of her hands.

"Where are we going?" Tallutah asked as he pulled her up off of the bench and started walking with her, back towards town.

"First to get my car... then, if you live alone, how about your place? I'll show you, what I really am." Damon said, almost a bit of...fright in his voice. He was worried...that maybe she would end up scared of him and that maybe, he'd end up happening to kill the first woman, besides Elena, that he honestly felt he had feelings for since Katherine.

**Tallutah's apartment.**

"It's not much, but it's home." Tallutah said softly as she unlocked the door and walked in, going about four steps and looking back at Damon, who was standing at the door, having not been invited in yet.

"You have to invite me in, Tallutah." Damon said with a chuckle and she raised a bit of a brow.

"So that's a vampire thing? You can't come in unless invited? Am I sure I should invite you in?" Tallutah asked and walked back to Damon, placing her hand upon his cheek... she felt no barrier there, but to Damon... it was a very thick barrier.

"I promise, I won't hurt you." Damon gave her a promise himself, that he intended to keep. Nodding her head, Tallutah smiled softly and whispered the words, "you can come in Damon." The barrier dropped and the elder male stepped inside and slowly shut the door behind them. Tallutah could see it in her mind, Damon snapping her neck in an instant, all because she let her guard down and trusted him for just a split moment. But then he did, something different.

"I want you to have this. My brother, he did the same for his girlfriend, who's also human. It has vervain in it. I'm sure your, crack pot old teacher, told you what vervain does, didn't she?" Damon asked as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small heart locket necklace. Tallutah nodded and turned around, moving her hair so Damon could place the necklace upon her.

Seeing her exposed flesh, her neck, that pulsating blue vein underneath the skin... "There's something you need to know though, Tallutah." Damon said softly as he fastened the necklace and lent in, closing his eyes and being extremely careful as he lightly kissed her neck, pulling away about as quickly as he'd lent in. "I'm not Edward Cullen from Twilight. I feed on humans. Particularly pretty girls like you."

Again, Tallutah's heart rate accelerated. "Y-you tricked me, didn't you?" She asked and chewed on her bottom lip, turning around and looking up into Damon's eyes, feeling as if her world had just been shattered. But again, he surprised her.

"No. I'm not tricking you. I in all honesty am smitten with you, Tallutah. I just gave you a necklace, full of vervain, so I'll do my best not to harm you nor will I compel you. You're making me act a way that I haven't acted, probably not since I was human. If you were to mention this to my brother, the way I'm acting, he'd just laugh in your face..." Damon admitted truthfully to Tallutah and she laughed softly, pulling away, walking through and sitting down upon her love-seat in the living room.

"I'm glad I bring out something different in you Damon. I'm glad I met you... and, I'm also glad that I'm not an idiot for believing in vampires.. I'm glad you believe in them too." Tallutah said softly, it still seeming like he was just pretending to be a vampire, that he was just a believer in them like her. Hearing her somewhat disbelief in him, Damon sat down next to her on the couch, his face starting to change... his eyes going blood red, his fangs starting to extend.

Tallutah jumped somewhat, scooting away from him on the couch, but Damon took her hand. It was a gentle hold, stroking the back of her hand with his thumb. He mumbled the words, "I won't hurt you," and lent into her fear stricken face and planted a gentle kiss upon her lips, a few moments later earning a kiss in return.

Damon was happy...Tallutah, she was beyond ecstatic, even if she was slightly afraid of her more or less new vampire beau. But the happiness, the happiness wasn't going to last. When did it ever fucking last?


	2. Chapter 2

**Friday, April 13th, 2018**

Their relationship had been strong, stronger than even Damon predicted it would be. Tallutah had begun to show him a world he really didn't know existed. Damon could still feed on human blood... her blood, and love her... and receive love from her, but yet... not be the monster he'd previously been. But, he was Damon Salvatore. He was, and will forever be, the bad brother. Or at least...that thought...it creeping up into the back of his mind, it's what started to ruin their relationship.

Damon wasn't cut out to be a one woman man and when Tallutah started to realize he was getting bored of her... she tried everything in her power to keep him there. She changed herself, became more flirty with him, tried new things in bed, let him feed on her to the point of her happening to feed from him just to get her strength back.

And when she did, when she did feed from him... Tallutah got an attitude. She wasn't herself, with the vampire blood in her veins. Tallutah liked that new found attitude but they'd discussed her becoming the undead a few times before, the answer always ended up being no. Tallutah loved her family and though she wanted Damon to meet them... she was afraid for their lives. And though she knew she wanted to be with him forever, she didn't want to become a monster and end up killing her own family.

It would take years, decades to be able to control herself the way Damon did in a crowd of people. To this day, after months of dating, he still surprised her with how in control he truly was. But Damon wasn't as in control as Tallutah thought... There was a side to Damon, that Tallutah was slowly starting to fall out of love with...

And tonight, she's absolutely had enough.

"DAMON!" Tallutah screamed; she was mad...again. Damon had just come in the door, the Salvatore mansion...where Tallutah had been living with him for the last three months. Her body shook with anger, he could see that from across the foyer. It was three in the morning... he'd gotten out of bed around midnight, bored, not wanting to sleep. She looked too peaceful for him to wake her up...

"I am so fucking sick to waking up to you being gone! And to know you're out there... playing with girls that aren't me!" Tallutah's voice had quieted some, but she was still as hurt and as mad as ever. Damon rolled his eyes somewhat, the Damon she fell in love with had been more compassionate than that... but she supposed, this was the real him.

"I'm a vampire, Tallutah. You signed yourself up for this." Damon's voice was smooth, as if he wasn't bothered by her being aggravated at him at all. Tallutah hissed through clenched teeth and walked to him in a frustrated strut, knowing it would hurt her more than it would hurt him but regardless, she smacked him across the face.

"You're my vampire, Damon. I know what I signed up for. You're the one who changed, not me. You're the one going out and killing people again, I'm not making you do that. I've been here, and I'm not leaving. I love you and I thought you loved me, or do you not remember that? Oh, no, wait. You're the bad brother. Yeah, Stefan always gets everything, including the girl. GUESS WHAT DAMON? He doesn't have me. I'm not Elena, you're not sharing me with him. I'm all yours, and you're still not fucking happy?"

Tallutah was absolutely steamed, and to be quite honest, Damon was a little afraid of her. She'd never hit him, she'd never stood up to him like this.. His eyes widened some, those pale blue eyes that Tallutah had fell so much in love with. He gazed into her dark chocolate eyes and sighed, wrapping an arm around her waist.

"I'm sorry, Tallutah. I do love you.. I just... I don't know. Things, were nice at first... I was, happy being different but now... now, the hunt and the kill, its all I think about anymore. It's not your fault... I know I blame you but it's not... I'm sorry." Damon thought that it was over, just like the times before this...but Tallutah had had enough. Beyond enough. Grabbing a handful of his hair, she slung him away from her; the vampire blood she still had in her system from last night causing her to be a little stronger than she would normally be.

"I'm sick of you saying sorry! You say it so goddamn much, it doesn't mean a thing anymore! If you were truly sorry, Damon, you'd stop. You'd stop putting me through this. You see how much it hurts me, to know that you're out... doing what you do. I'm not asking you to stop being a vampire. I've been more than willing to let you feed from me as long as you don't kill me. I've even fed off of you. Because I love you and to be honest, Damon, recently... I've been thinking about letting you turn me. But if this, this is the eternity I'm going to have to go through. I don't want it. And yes, I'm wearing the vervain tonight, because you are not going to make me forget about this fight, like the thousands we've had before this one. When I drink from you, the memories you've made me forget start coming back."

It surprised Damon, to hear her admit that when she drank from him, the memories he compelled her to forget, came back. She'd stopped wearing the vervain about a month into their relationship... he hadn't compelled her a thousand times, like she made it sound.. Maybe five, six times... and it was only to make her stop being mad at him, something Damon honestly couldn't stand. He did love her, he loved her enough to know what he had to do now.

Damon slowly walked over to the woman that he could honestly call the love of his life.. even beyond what he had felt for Katherine. Taking her up into his arms, he carried her through to the room that they called theirs, and laid her down gently on the bed. Tallutah knew what he was doing, he was going to try and talk his way out of her being mad, he was going to try and use his hands to do the talking and make her less mad... she started to pull away and he sighed.

"Unless you want our last night together to be one of us not hugging and cuddling, then you'd better get your ass back into this bed." Damon's voice was firm. Tallutah's eyes widened and she turned back to look at him, knots starting to tie in her stomach, making her feel nauseous.

"Y-y-you're g-gonna leave me?" Tallutah's voice was a stutter, barely above a whisper; but she knew Damon could hear her all the same. Damon raised up a little on the bed and took Tallutah's hand, gently pulling her to him until she crashed into his arms, clutching him so very tightly. Though she was angry with him, she didn't want him to leave.

"The only way I can't hurt you anymore, is if I leave Tallutah. I'm not just leaving you... I'll leave Mystic Falls completely. Maybe we could, stay in touch on the phone or something but... in person I'm just, hurting you too much." Damon said quietly and could hear the tears starting to fall from his beloved Tallutah.

Leaning into her, Damon's fangs extended and he sunk them into her jugular vein for the last time, taking two or three deep gulps of her blood that was the most intoxicating of all liquors to him. Tallutah had come to enjoy it, had started to become aroused every time he bit her... he knew that... and yet he still did it. Pulling back from her, she pulled away from him as well, to gaze up at him bloody muzzle.

Leaning back in, Tallutah licked his mouth until it was clean, feeling a shiver run up and down her spine. She loved him, she loved him so much that she fucking hated him. "You're not going to change for me... so you're going to leave. You love me, so you leave, instead of changing. You're such a coward," Tallutah whispered and clutched his shirt tightly.

Damon could feel tears start to come down his own cheeks as he pulled her tightly to him. "I've bit you for the last time, Tallutah." Damon said quietly, his lips gently pressing against the top of her head. He could hear her sniffles, though she tried her best to hide them. This was for the best.

"Leave me with these memories, Damon. I want to remember why I hate you." Tallutah said, feeling as if ice was running through her veins. She'd never felt colder. Damon pulled back and they gazed longingly into each others crying eyes for what seemed an eternity, before he was gone. In the blink of a human eye, he was gone.

Jumping out of the bed, Tallutah tried her best to run after him, down the stairs, nearly falling three times and out the front door. She didn't care if Stefan heard or not, knowing he'd probably be on the other side of the house, with Elena. They'd come back around six months ago as well, when Damon came back. They'd been proud of Damon, for finding Tallutah, and becoming a better man... They were going to be so disappointed in him... just as Tallutah was.

She collapsed to her knees and screamed out his name in pure agony; he had tore her heart out of her chest, metaphorically speaking. He was running away with her heart. Too much of a coward to change for her, the woman he truly loved.

**Friday, July 13th, 2018**

"You don't fucking care. If you cared, we wouldn't be talking on a phone. It's been three months, Damon. Come home. Be a fucking man and come home. Be the man I fell in love with." Tallutah loved him, she wanted him home... and though he told her every time on the phone that he loved her, Damon still didn't come home. He still kept apologizing, for being the bad monster that he kept telling her he'd end up being.

And the more he told her that he was a bad monster... the more she started to believe it. The longer he stayed away from her, the more she started to paint a worse and worse picture of Damon Salvatore within her head. Every night, the picture got worse and caused her tears to get worse. She was getting violent, couldn't even go near her family. Stefan and Elena tried their best to help her, but to Tallutah, they were the enemy. Stefan made Damon what he was today; Elena, she broke his heart, just as her ancestor Katherine had.

But mostly, Tallutah blamed herself for not being the perfect woman for Damon.

"I can't fucking fix this from a phone, Tallutah. I'm sorry you're feeling so alone. But it's just like I told you, you're better off without me. I'm absolutely sick to my stomach from saying sorry. I'm not coming home. I'm not trying to string you along, that's why I'm letting you go."

Damon couldn't count how many times he'd fought with her, how many times they'd tried to talk it out. If only she were there, he'd set things right with her. But at that moment, he was on the other side of the country and at that moment, he was contemplating going home and erasing her memory, to get her out of her misery. Even Stefan thought about it... Elena had pleaded him to erase Tallutah's memory to end her suffering, her constant Damon torture... but she refused to get rid of the vervain. She drank it, she wore it, she slept with it, all in the hopes that she'd keep her memory of Damon, the good ones. The good ones are the ones that got her through.

"If I'm so much better without you... Damon why does it hurt so bad to be away from you? It hurts worse now that you're gone. Knowing I threw away what we had, all because I wanted to change you. I shouldn't have wanted to change you..." but in the length of time it took Tallutah to admit that, Damon had already admitted to himself, that he had to change. He had to change for Tallutah...

He was far from home, he planned to stay far from home, until he could go home and fix what he couldn't over the phone.


End file.
